Cross Nursing
Posted at 12:06 am on June 21, 2010 by Elizabeth
The past two weeks have been jammed packed with challenges. I have had two surgeries in the space of two weeks. One emergent, one scheduled. Neither was pleasant.
Wednesday night I was suddenly gripped with intense pain. The pain was so consuming that I was literally unable to focus on anything. My world was foggy. After taking 2 pain pills and receiving no relief (in fact the pain just grew stronger), it was time to go to the hospital. This is a challenge. Logistically, it is hard to manage an ER trip with four kids, especially if I am incapacitated. Thank goodness for my neighbor who could look after the kids while I tried to figure out the cause of this searing pain.
After a CAT scan and more pain medication than I had previously ever had in my life, it was determined that I had many kidney stones. Too many to count, in fact, one of which was stuck and causing all sorts of problems. With that I was admitted to the hospital and more problems emerged.
Pixie, my youngest daughter, does not take a bottle. At all. Even with expressed breastmilk. Overnight, I was not there to feed her. My neighbor- bless her- tried to spoon feed her milk as she was not having the bottle. She took about an ounce which is not nearly enough.
The next day when it was apparent that I was going to have to spend the day there and have surgery I sent out a call/text to my sister and friends who are lactating asking someone to go feed my baby as she was desperate and I felt totally helpless.
One of my best friends, N, volunteered right away. She and I have been pretty close for the past few years. She went over to my house with her boys and was nervous about how my neighbor or mother would react to her feeding Pixie. They were OVERJOYED to see her. As N later said, anyone who knows me pretty much at all would not be too shocked by this. I was unable to feed my baby so I asked someone I trusted to do it for me. Pixie was beside herself and she latched right away and nursed for an hour before dozing off into a peaceful sleep. She had not eaten more than an ounce in the previous 12 hours. She was so happy to be fed nice warm milk.
My neighbor was not fazed at all and my mother reminded me that that was how all babies would have been taken care of when she was little. So cross nursing to me was not weird. It may not work for everyone but we were all so thankful that it worked for us.
I had a few questions about whether or not I was concerned with Pixie bonding in such an intimate way with another woman. To be honest…no, I was not and am not. She is eating. She is being shown love and affection. So what if more than one adult loves and nurtures her? All the better for her.
I was also questioned about concerns regarding disease transmission; was I worried that N would give my baby some terrible disease? Umm nope- not really. N is a close friend, she is smart, caring, and an amazing mother- I do not believe that she would or could ever do anything to put children in harm’s way. I probably would not ask some random person on the street to feed my baby. But someone who I care about and who cares about my children… yes- I trust her to feed my children.
I am proud of us as women, mothers, and friends for taking care of the needs of babies. I love them all the more for it. This experience speaks to me on a feminine level. It makes me proud of women who stick together to guide children, who love and support one another, who meet the needs of babies. It makes me proud to be a woman, a mother, a friend. This experience also reinforces my belief that we need support, we need friends, we need community to raise our children. We cannot do it alone.
So thank you N. Thank you, from the depths of my heart, for caring for Pixie.
Cross nursing may not work for everyone, but it worked for us when we needed it most. I am so thankful that it did and that I have friends like N who will share their gifts with my children. I hope she knows that if ever the situation were reversed I would do it for her in a heartbeat.
Yup, totally had other people nurse my babies and have nursed other babies with persmission from the mamas. Really just very close friends as you said.
How did N feel about it? Did it feel weird to have a baby that wasn’t hers latch on?
I would totally do it for a close friend or my sister. And I would want someone to do it for me if I was ever in need.
Good for you for asking and goof for N for stepping up. I agree that we mamas have to stick together.