The Grass is Greener on My Side
Posted at 5:33 am on February 9, 2010 by Farrah
Standing around talking with some friends the other night, I found myself complaining about my boss at my new job. I started this new job about a month ago after MUCH thought and planning and praying about the whole thing. It seemed like an opportunity I couldn’t pass up. So I didn’t. It has certainly been a transition for me and my family, increasing the amount of time each week that I am working outside the home and my boys are being cared for by someone other than mommy. But one of the hardest part has been learning to deal with my new boss. She is a brilliant woman who has decided to make her career her life. She knows her job better than some of the physicians we work with and is really one of the smartest nurses I have ever met. But she is a bit hard to work for. To be fair, I totally recognize that being picky about the way things are done is part of what makes her so good at her job and what will, hopefully, eventually make me good at it too. It is this interim time that is wearing on me.
Without boring you with too many of the brutal details, suffice it to say my new boss is at times demeaning and nit-picky and I can never seem to do anything right in her eyes. The kicker of it is, instead of sticking to the schedule I was promised, she is changing my work days and the expectations. And while she is super-flexible with my schedule, it is still hard for me to make the often last minute changes and still be there when I should so that I can get the hours I need during this training time. She has two boys a bit older than mine but also has a full-time nanny that takes care of her boys and does most of the housework and cooking for the family. This allows her to devote herself 100% to her job and her goal of getting her phD. And here I come, mom of two just trying to be the best part-time nurse and full-time mommy that I can be without compromising either. And that is hard.
In this conversation with friends, I was griping about how she doesn’t understand me. “There is more to life than this job, “ I said. “She is missing out on raising her boys because she is throwing herself fully into her career.” And that may or may not be true. But as a very wise friend pointed out, my boss would probably say “there is more to life than staying home with children. Farrah is missing out on how rewarding it can be to be fully devoted to a career that you are good at and enjoy.” In this case, the grass is greener on my side.
My boss and I, we have chosen different paths. Obviously, we each have to pick the path that is best for us. And having that conversation with my friends, I realized that I was totally coming down on my boss for choosing something other than what I have chosen. I was nit-picking her and being demeaning- exactly what I was complaining about her doing to me. I do think she is missing out on not being with her boys more. But maybe this works for her family. And I still think she is very difficult to work with. Just because she has given herself fully to this job doesn’t mean she needs to be so hyper-critical of me as I try my best to learn and become good at it. But I am also realizing that in this age-old debate between stay-at-home moms and working moms, we all tend to have this “grass is greener on MY side” mentality.
Why do we do this? Why do we create this atmosphere of competition? I am no better than my boss because I stay home two/three days a week. And she is no better than me because she is getting her phD. If she could be a little more understanding of my choices and I of hers, we might just be able to concentrate on the things that we have in common and make our work relationship all the better. It wouldn’t totally solve her personality flaws (or mine) and her “I’m better than you and everyone” attitude. But it would certainly help.
The grass in my world is greener on my side. But your grass is greener on your side in your world. And that is ok.
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