An Odd Mix
Posted at 12:36 am on January 20, 2010 by Farrah
I took my boys to a local library yesterday. I won’t say which one for fear of offending anyone who might be reading and may have been there. Suffice it to say it was a library very close to my house but not in my zip code. I hadn’t showered, it was 9:30am, I have a raging head cold, and am just finishing my period…. I wasn’t on my best game. And I knew I was taking a risk going to this particular library where the moms are usually totally put together with their hair fixed and matching clothes. But we needed to get out of the house and we needed a change of pace. So off we went.
Once we arrived, I knew pretty quickly that I had stepped into a somewhat foreign situation. I have taken my boys to the library dozens of times before so that was not it. What was particularly odd about this situation was the mix of moms I was joining in the children’s play area. Being a school holiday, it was fairly crowded- maybe 15 other kids in a small-ish play area. There was a group of three or four moms that obviously knew each other and fit the picture I had in my head before arriving- perfect hair and pretty sweaters. Their conversation intrigued me. So and So is selling their house but asking WAY too much….. Did you hear about such and such that happened to our good friend so and so….. Can you believe what she said or what her kids did?…. A good ol’ fashion gossip-fest.
Then there was another group of people sitting over on the other side. But as I observed more closely, these were not moms. They were the nannies. And every last one of them was speaking some Eastern-European sounding language. They were talking and laughing and sporadically calling out to the children in their care to see if they needed anything. I am not saying they were neglectful. Some of them acted quite lovingly towards the kids. But they were not at all there to play with the kids. But yet, neither were the put-together moms on the other side.
Then, between the two camps sat me and one other mom, both of us on the floor doing puzzles and reading books and interacting with our kids. We exchanged smiles and the courteous “hello” but neither of us was really there to make friends (as anti-social as that may sound). I was there to be with my boys. I know I have at some point been one of those moms in the circle, talking to my friends hoping the children will entertain themselves for a little while. And I am by no means making any kind of commentary on the quality of their mothering. It just struck me as I sat there on the floor that it was an odd mix of people in that small-ish play area that morning. I kinda stood out like a sore thumb- hair in pigtails, no make-up wearing a hoodie and comfy pants (as I call them). I found myself wishing I had invited a friend to come along so that I would have company in my corner too (the other floor-sitting mom left about 15min. after we got there). But it wasn’t about that. Not this day, at least. Having recently increased my work hours keeping my away from my kids for more time than any of us are used to, I wanted to be on that floor doing puzzles and reading and giving them my complete attention.
Both the nannies and the gossip-moms had other goals for that morning than to be with their kids. And while I felt a bit isolated (and scruffy), I had no other goal besides being there to spend some time with my kids. Time outside our four walls with a new set of books and games to explore. I definitely got some odd looks from both camps but I probably gave my fair share of looks too. It was an odd mix of people- lots of kids, some foreign-language speaking nannies, and some glamour moms. And then me- unshowered, kinda tattered but sitting with my boys having a grand time. An odd mix indeed.
Have you had any odd experiences like mine that you would be willing to share? I can’t be the only one to have been the one unkempt mama in a room full of put-together moms and Eastern-European nannies… right? Or maybe I am.
I used to take my son to kindermusik (probably in the same suburb) and it was a very similar situation. The moms were there to socialize, and they let their kids run amok, even though it was supposed to be parents and children participating together in class. The teacher had to keep reminding them to pay attention to their kids. I love music and I didn’t know anyone, not being from their town, so I was there for the class and not the social time. I did find it really annoying at the time. But, then again, I also went to a parent-tot class with both my kids where I did go to socialize and most of the other parents did too. The kids could play on their own and the moms could talk, and the teacher was fine with that. Sometimes it keeps you sane!
I tend to be waaaaaaaaaay more the mom that goes somewhere w/ her kids to socialize w/ other moms-as horrible as it sounds, I have a really difficult time going places with just me and my kids alone for that very reason-playing with my kids doesn’t come naturally-I love them to no end-every mom does-but I have to actually WORK at connecting with my children at their level. It is something I am working on this year and am already seeing some good strides and results.
Saying that, I have definately been that mom that is not kept, wearing non-designer, ill fitting jeans, hair in no way styled nicely, feeling like a complete outcast at the moms that look so put together. It is not the most pleasant place to be in.